I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
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