seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
Randomize