she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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