Dude, I woke up at my ex's house. I am spooning her half naked roommate. There is a pizza on my shoulder. I need you to come pick me up.
were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize