My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
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Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
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