drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
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