did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
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