my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
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