I am spending my child support on dildos
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
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hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
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Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
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