my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
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Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
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I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
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