this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
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