one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
areolas are like halos for boobs.
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
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