I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
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