To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
im getting my college education on yahoo answers.
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
Randomize