She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
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