C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
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I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
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We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
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