Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
Randomize