I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
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