Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
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Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
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No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
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