I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
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