I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
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He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
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Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
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