Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
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