Little spoons don't ask big questions
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
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