Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
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