I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
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