Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why can't burritos get me drunk
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
Randomize