dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
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