Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
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How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
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I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
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