You're my little dorito
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
Just cropdusted the office
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
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