Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
Why is your signature on my underwear?
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
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