The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
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