walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
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