I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
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Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
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