I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
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