Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
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