Cold hands, warm shart.
dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
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so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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