hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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