Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
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yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
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You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
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