woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
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