I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize