Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You are a booty call, not a friend.
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
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