Swine flu. Run for my life!
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize