Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize