I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
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