She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
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so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
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I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
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