imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
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