my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
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