His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
Randomize