spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
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