anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
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i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
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I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
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